Anyway, here's my email I sent to Steam Packet. (The ferry company) I don't think they were impressed.
Dear Steam Packet,
Recently I have wanted to travel to the Isle of Man. The decision was made by throwing darts at an atlas, like they do in those terrible American teen movies - however I don't own an atlas so I threw darts at a globe instead. I don't have darts either so I threw biros at the globe. And I don't really have a globe so I was sort of just sat at home alone throwing biros at nothing.
After this fun activity I went online and someone told me that The Isle of Man is not really a part of England so I don't think the police can follow me there. I immediately tried booking tickets with Easy Jet but I got an email reminding me that I'm not allowed near airports for another few years after that incident in February when the plane was in the sky and I got some random nuts and bolts out of my pocket and told the air hostess that I had found them under the engine before the plane had taken off.
Alas, my only choice was to approach you, dear Steam Packet. But as I have found from hundreds of websites, your prices are Ludacrisly high (I spelled it that way not because your prices are unreasonably high, but because they are a befitting price for Ludacris). £200 for a return ticket is more than I can afford.
If I was delivering a package of - let's say Skittles for sake of argument - across the road, and you gave me an extra box of Skittles to take across the road, I would not charge you £200 to take your Skittles. I would probably do it for free.
The thing that confuses me is how your trips to France cost less than your trips to the Isle of Man. Using the Skittles analogy, that's like you giving me a box of Skittles and asking me to take it to France for you. And then you kick me in the balls.
Thank you for your time and I hope you can offer me super discount tickets.
Here's another picture of a beautiful girl. Nomnomnomnomnom.